I can't Stop Thinking about this

a quote

12:33am. Awake.

Naturally, the worst answer to my insomnia was to go on social media, but I also couldn’t toss and turn like my thoughts were in the dryer for a minute longer. I needed to give my mind a break. Doom scrolling = the new sleeping pill.

A post stopped me. It was of a widow wishing his late wife happy birthday, “Happy birthday lady.”

I scrolled down his feed. Random pictures of his kid’s art projects, beach parties, and then a video of his young son curled up in a ball next to him on the couch. This post in particular made me slow down.

The caption went something like this—His anxiety has really ramped up since his mom was diagnosed with cancer, he doesn’t want to go to school. He is afraid she won’t be here when he gets home.

Gut punch.

Then he shared this quote which I can’t get out of my mind, “Keep your eyes on the dirt in front of your boots and not the mountains ahead of you.”- Tom Gerl

I thought about my anxiety and all the reasons I couldn’t sleep.

I thought about the mountains behind me and the ones in the near distance.

There are certainly difficulties that are beyond my ability to problem solve.

But, this quote really brought my heart back to the present. Yes, hard things are coming. There is no denying that. But, right now, right here, I can see the dirt I must step onto. I can see just in front of my toes.

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Maybe you are facing something impossible. I hope those words offer you a little stability and a lot of hope. God will be awaiting you in the mountains, but He is also right here making room for you to wiggle your feet in faith and step forward.

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Here is an excerpt from my liturgy— When I feel Afraid

Breath in—My Lord God, help me

Breathe out—rest in You

I feel afraid.

God, I tend to reach for safety in my strength, strategies, and schedule. I tend to reach for protection in my own power, prestige, and plan. I tend to reach for my refuge in my resources, research, and rightness.

Instead, I want to rest in You, God, my Father.

You are a soft place for me to land in my spiraling. You reorient me to reality. You rescue me when all my efforts fall short.

I come into Your rest.

You rested in the storm. You rested when death was near. You rested in Your Father’s love.

I open my heart to You.

I entrust my life to You alone.

Amen

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My book, “Feel—a collection of liturgies offering hope for every complicated emotion” has the entire prayer and 74 other prayers. One prayer for each feeling.

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Thank you for letting me sneak into your life. As always—Stay Awake to Love.